What's In A Name?

The other half of my writerly "awakening" this weekend was a book release and book signing party on Friday night. My story "Crawlspace" is one of thirteen in an anthology of Scary Stories and the publisher threw a bash at a club in Hollywood.

The whole experience was exciting and otherworldly. I held a book in my hands with my story and my name attached to it. We writers milled around to meet each other, thinking we might be in the company of a Next Great Author. When it came time to sign each other's copies, it was no big deal--like passing a note to a friend or sending a memo to colleague (well, a bit more exciting than that!)

When it came time to sign my story for other people, though, it felt..WEIRD. I mean, there was my name, like I signed it on my checks to pay my bills, except that it was in this book that this person was going to take home and read. It was like some part of me was leaving for good, leaving to go home with this perfect stranger who'd be reading my words and seeing my name and thinking "I met her."

I wondered if I should add a flourish to my signature, or think of a catch phrase to tack on to every signing. When I encountered someone who actually wanted me to sign his copy "To XXX" I was completely flustered.

Who do you people think I am?? I wanted to cry out.

But I thought about it, thought about all of the times I got an autograph from a writer or actor or musician to take home with me and say "I met him/her." Some little piece of that person that made me feel connected.

And that's what writing and the creative arts are all about: making a connection.

So I don't need to change how I sign my name, or write some original bon mot--that would distance me from the reader and from my writing and from my true self. And I'm doing this to make that connection, and making connections can be tough.

So with each book I sign (and I hope there are more to come), I can only hope to become more comfortable with giving away a little piece of me. After all, the story's already out there...