First Day Jitters

Today I start my new job. I'll be working part-time as an Admin. Asst. at a psychology graduate school/family counseling center. The people seem nice, the benefits are great for a part-time job, I have a minimal commute, and the everyday stress should be low.

So why am I so nervous?

Last night I had dream after dream about not being able to sleep (!). Then I had a nightmare about missing my appointed time to go in and fill out HR paperwork.

What's the deal?

The first, and overwhelming explanation is my Type A personality. I like to know things and how to do things. I like to be of service to people. I like to know I'm making things better. I hate feeling stupid or embarrassed. Hard to avoid *all* of these when you're entering an environment with new people, new procedures, and new skill sets, though, isn't it?

The other reason is related, but has only begun to rear its ugly head recently. That one can best be described as the pre-midlife crisis. I think it hits all of us at some time in our 30's, when we wonder what we've done up to this point, where we want to be, and how we're going to get there. I hate the thought that in 5 - 10 years I might look back on my attempts to survive financially and work on my writing career as "wasted." Either because I was working at the wrong things to feed my creative flow, or because the writing thing won't pan out and I could have been working harder at some other career and gained satisfaction that way.

All of that self doubt comes full circle to the type of person I am. Hardest on myself, with unreasonable expectations of what I can do and in what timeframe. Don't get me wrong; drive is good. But driving myself and those around me insane is not.

Perhaps the new job can help me deal with some of those issues..